Lissia's Xena/Ares Fan Fiction
“And Xena, do you know what we should do next?”
She never shuts up. Here I was thinking that she had changed so much in the past six years. Oh I was SO wrong! It’s times like these that I just wish she would die. I should have gone back to Ares when he asked me. Maybe, it’s not too late.
“Xena? Are you listening to me? Huh? Huh? Are you?”
Oh gods help me! I can’t take anymore of this. She’s babbling again. And she expects me to listen to her! Yeah right! Up yours blondie! How many ways are there to kill an annoying blonde?
“Xena? You aren’t listening to me, are you?”
1. Gagging. I could shove her mouth full of my dirty panties and tie her arms around her back so she could pull them out. Then I could plug her nose with some used leaves.
“An then we could go to Egypt.”
2. Strangling. I could just grab her neck and shake, shake, shake, shake her head off!
3. Jumping. I could jump on her until she stopped squirming. And then for safe measure, I could jump on her some more!
“Did you know that Eve is your daughter?”
4. Lava Pit. I’m sure it’s still working. I could bring her there, have her look down and then kick her in the ass so hard that she would fall in head first. And if she held onto anything I could use my whip to detach her fingers.
5. Psycho attack. I’m sure I could find a few. Even if it’s been twenty-five years sense I was last around. I know there most be some secret psycho hide-out. Athens maybe.
“And Virgil hates Eve so much. Why is that?”
6. Drowning. Throw her into a lake and sit on her.
7. I wonder if Ares would shoot her full of lightening bolts. Gabrielle firework show!
8. There’s always the chakram. One clean toss and she could bleed to death.
9. Barbarians. Maybe Dite could sick them on her.
“And then we met Callisto. And she was mean.”
10. Sword fight! She can’t beat me! Never never never!! HAHAHAHA!!!
11. The light. Eve’s people could preach her to death.
12. Wrestling. A few kicks and punches and body slams. Yeah, that would do it.
13. Cooking. Mine can kill millions.
14. Fish. The slimy little things could trip her and make her fall on a bunch of knives.
“And Ares, now there’s a god who needs to die.”
15. Practice. I could throw daggers at her, one would hit eventually.
16. Warlords. They’re always looking for a nice little brat to have their way with and then kill. I know I could find a few.
17. Poison. A little traditional, but it would do.
“And I just love Aphrodite! She’s so cool. And she looks so GOOD!”
18. Hercules could drop a boulder on her head. Gabby go squish.
19. I could always chop off her head.
20. Crucifixion!!!!! And breakage of the legs.
21. I could put her little quill threw her esophagus and watch her gasp for air as she bleeds to death.
22. The pinch. She might be able to take it off, but I could always have my knees on her hands.
23. Next time we get into trouble, I could let her fight off all the bad guys while I file my nails.
“And I always did have a thing for Hercules and we all know you two got ‘personal’ too many times.”
24. I could let her visit hell, with a sign saying ‘I want to be with you forever. Keep me please. P.S. I’m Xena’s friend.’
25. Hot guy. She would fall all over herself then have a hard attack and croak.
26. I could ignore her and she’d talk and get frustrated and DIE!
“I should never have killed Hope. She was my daughter. I killed mine so I think you should have to kill yours.”
27. Amazons. I could say she betrayed them. Well, she did. She protected Eve from them. She’s been with men and enjoyed it.
28. Attack of the killer bunny. I’m sure I could find that thing again.
29. Tara. It’s been a long time. Maybe the kid would kill her for me, they never did get along.
30. Gabby’s head meets Mr. Tree. Poor tree.
“And Alti, ya know she could have been nice if only you would have left her alone.”
31. Alti. She could kill her with memories of pain.
32. Burn! I could throw her in a room of fire and make sure she stays in. Yeah Yeah...BURN Bitch!
33. Trampled by a horse. How sad. :( HEHEHEHE!!!!!
34. That niece of hers could kill her. Just have to get her mad enough.
35. Dahak might want a human sacrifice.
“Alright, well it’s been fun talking to you and all, but I’m going to go to bed now. Nite.”
36. I could put a bag over her head and she would suffocate.
37. Slit her throat as she sleeps.
38. Starve her! No food and no water!
It’s quite. What’s wrong? Did she die?? Finally I can get some rest.
*Snore. Snore.*
39. Crazy king who wants to watch a blonde bard die.
40. A boat! A big boat! and then she goes splash in front of it and gets ran over by it! Or over the side and the paddles can all hit her in the head!
What a pleasant way to go to sleep.
-End
She never shuts up. Here I was thinking that she had changed so much in the past six years. Oh I was SO wrong! It’s times like these that I just wish she would die. I should have gone back to Ares when he asked me. Maybe, it’s not too late.
“Xena? Are you listening to me? Huh? Huh? Are you?”
Oh gods help me! I can’t take anymore of this. She’s babbling again. And she expects me to listen to her! Yeah right! Up yours blondie! How many ways are there to kill an annoying blonde?
“Xena? You aren’t listening to me, are you?”
1. Gagging. I could shove her mouth full of my dirty panties and tie her arms around her back so she could pull them out. Then I could plug her nose with some used leaves.
“An then we could go to Egypt.”
2. Strangling. I could just grab her neck and shake, shake, shake, shake her head off!
3. Jumping. I could jump on her until she stopped squirming. And then for safe measure, I could jump on her some more!
“Did you know that Eve is your daughter?”
4. Lava Pit. I’m sure it’s still working. I could bring her there, have her look down and then kick her in the ass so hard that she would fall in head first. And if she held onto anything I could use my whip to detach her fingers.
5. Psycho attack. I’m sure I could find a few. Even if it’s been twenty-five years sense I was last around. I know there most be some secret psycho hide-out. Athens maybe.
“And Virgil hates Eve so much. Why is that?”
6. Drowning. Throw her into a lake and sit on her.
7. I wonder if Ares would shoot her full of lightening bolts. Gabrielle firework show!
8. There’s always the chakram. One clean toss and she could bleed to death.
9. Barbarians. Maybe Dite could sick them on her.
“And then we met Callisto. And she was mean.”
10. Sword fight! She can’t beat me! Never never never!! HAHAHAHA!!!
11. The light. Eve’s people could preach her to death.
12. Wrestling. A few kicks and punches and body slams. Yeah, that would do it.
13. Cooking. Mine can kill millions.
14. Fish. The slimy little things could trip her and make her fall on a bunch of knives.
“And Ares, now there’s a god who needs to die.”
15. Practice. I could throw daggers at her, one would hit eventually.
16. Warlords. They’re always looking for a nice little brat to have their way with and then kill. I know I could find a few.
17. Poison. A little traditional, but it would do.
“And I just love Aphrodite! She’s so cool. And she looks so GOOD!”
18. Hercules could drop a boulder on her head. Gabby go squish.
19. I could always chop off her head.
20. Crucifixion!!!!! And breakage of the legs.
21. I could put her little quill threw her esophagus and watch her gasp for air as she bleeds to death.
22. The pinch. She might be able to take it off, but I could always have my knees on her hands.
23. Next time we get into trouble, I could let her fight off all the bad guys while I file my nails.
“And I always did have a thing for Hercules and we all know you two got ‘personal’ too many times.”
24. I could let her visit hell, with a sign saying ‘I want to be with you forever. Keep me please. P.S. I’m Xena’s friend.’
25. Hot guy. She would fall all over herself then have a hard attack and croak.
26. I could ignore her and she’d talk and get frustrated and DIE!
“I should never have killed Hope. She was my daughter. I killed mine so I think you should have to kill yours.”
27. Amazons. I could say she betrayed them. Well, she did. She protected Eve from them. She’s been with men and enjoyed it.
28. Attack of the killer bunny. I’m sure I could find that thing again.
29. Tara. It’s been a long time. Maybe the kid would kill her for me, they never did get along.
30. Gabby’s head meets Mr. Tree. Poor tree.
“And Alti, ya know she could have been nice if only you would have left her alone.”
31. Alti. She could kill her with memories of pain.
32. Burn! I could throw her in a room of fire and make sure she stays in. Yeah Yeah...BURN Bitch!
33. Trampled by a horse. How sad. :( HEHEHEHE!!!!!
34. That niece of hers could kill her. Just have to get her mad enough.
35. Dahak might want a human sacrifice.
“Alright, well it’s been fun talking to you and all, but I’m going to go to bed now. Nite.”
36. I could put a bag over her head and she would suffocate.
37. Slit her throat as she sleeps.
38. Starve her! No food and no water!
It’s quite. What’s wrong? Did she die?? Finally I can get some rest.
*Snore. Snore.*
39. Crazy king who wants to watch a blonde bard die.
40. A boat! A big boat! and then she goes splash in front of it and gets ran over by it! Or over the side and the paddles can all hit her in the head!
What a pleasant way to go to sleep.
-End